A while ago we discussed certain levels of intoxication and you mentioned that your sister had developed a scale for your behavior. I too, have developed my own scale for your behavior, which is detailed below. The scale is graduated from five to negative two with zero representing a condition devoid of chemical influence.
The TJD Scale of Pollution:
5: Passed Out: Otherwise completely incapacitated with alternating shallow and congested breathing. (Stranger Danger: Check for signs of life!)
4: Incoherent State: Rambling xanax fueled gibberish, often pauses for catnaps only to continue conversation minutes or hours later. (Will often start a conversation with "Hey, remember the time we flew that plane into the ocean of jello and you got mad?")
3: Medium Junked: Visibly trashed on oxy, eyes pinned, extreme time spatial disorientation. (Will often start off a conversation fairly coherent and then make widely inaccurate statements like "I have not gotten high in like... a month, dude")
2: Lightly Junked: Lively high on oxy and quite pleasant to be around for 10 or 15 minutes. (Will often start conversations about ambitious plans for the next day "Tomorrow, we get up real early and ride our bikes to Atlantic Highlands for breakfast and then we hit the gym.")
1: Regular High: Lit up on weed with minor time delay and spatial disorientation (Will often start conversations with "Yo, let's get Wendy's")
0: Stasis: The absence of any chemical effect, seen once or twice a year. (Will often start a conversation with "Did you see the news today, the market dropped like 100 points, I wonder how much of that was Tech stocks…")
-1: Irritably Sober: Slightly disorientated from oxy withdrawal and poor co-ordination. (Will often start a conversation with "These people are all robbing me, I can't find my shit. Have you seen it?")
-2: Malevolently Sober: Bad mood swings, combative attitude coupled with flu like symptoms from oxy withdrawal (Will often start a conversation off with "WTF, I never said that, yer jus making shit up man!")
