You Are Even Here

The phone rings and its Pat, he says he might stop by.  I go “Alright then, let me start holding my breath now”.  He’s one of my two best friends but they’re both fairly unreliable in any situation.  However, it is strange timing, my two best friends call me on the phone to hang out, only minutes apart.  I’m excited because I haven’t seen either of them in a while.  I haven’t seen either of them because they’re both dead.  Unreliable when living, I can’t imagine either one has gotten better with their schedules.  I hardly complete this thought, when Pat pulls up in his green jetta still talking to me on the phone it seems.  I wonder what I said?  Sometimes, my mind wanders, it’s a wonder i’m still here at all.  

Pat is surprisingly upbeat & calm, he jus wants to hang out and go for a few beers.  He tells me about his kids, he has three of them now.  They’re still alive but they don’t remember him it seems and he finds this kinda annoying.  Also, Kelly, his loving wife of ten years is a whore.  I don’t know why but he keeps repeating this over and over to me.  “Kelly’s a whore...”  None of this makes sense to me.  I barely know her but she seems the picture of innocence.  More importantly, she put up with him all those years.

I don't think she deserves this designation but ever the diplomat, I try to gloss over this assertion and change the subject.  Tom is supposed to be here any minute I say.  We hang out and watch Nobody’s Fool with Paul Newman.  He says he’s never seen this part, the scene where Sully gets hit in his bad knee by his long lost grandson, Wacker.  Pat laughs out loud.  Other than that, everything is going surprisingly well.  I’m a lil nervous, trying to avoid saying the obvious, asking the obvious but I’m jus really happy to see him.  I always had a good time with Pat, Tom on the other hand...

While reflecting on these thoughts,  Tom & his alchy friend Tommy burst into the room.  I did not even hear them come in.  Last time I checked, Tommy was in rehab but apparently not anymore.  Tom & Tommy or TnT as they were known,  have found each other in what I like to call the Great After Party.  They yell “YOOO” in unison while  they barrel into the room.  Tommy or T to his friends, sits on my reclined exercise bike that doubles as a coat rack while Tom sits behind me, at my desk.  

I already know what he’s doing, I don't have to look.  He’s doing what he always does but Pat looks annoyed.  I know by the quiet tones Tom is crushing up pills and laying out lines.  I turn in my chair and look over his shoulder, shaking my head.  He’s already snorting a mound of  oxy & some white powder that I assume to be xanax, his favorite combo.  Strange because xanax or zany is usually yellow.  Maybe this is something new?  Listen, I begin mildly; you know you can’t do that here.  Ignoring me, Tom racks off another line.  Lower this time, I half whisper “You know that’s how Pat died, and it upsets him.  Besides man, you get way too fucked up and...”.  Tom replies “Jus wanna have a good time with ya, it’s been a while.”   “Listen” I say, there’s no more pretending Tom, I don’t even understand the point of this.  “Yer already dead”.

I turned around to look at Pat for some kind of moral support and he goes “Yeah, stupid.”  I hear his voice but I don’t see him.  Confused, I turn around again and Tom looks depressed & annoyed like I just ruined  the party, which I did.  I turn to Tommy and I go I thought you only drink vodka?  He shrugs his shoulders and laughs.  When I looked back to the desk chair, Tom is gone and then the whole room is empty.  Why did I  ruin the party by saying the obvious, I know that’s always a mistake.  Maybe they’ll both come back again, next week?